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Saturday (23 days and counting...)

I actually felt pretty good today. My arm's been hurting (what's new?) but otherwise I have felt semi-normal. I stayed up really really late last night talking to an old friend on the phone. Went to bed in the wee hours of the morning and got a couple of hours sleep... then I took a nice long nap this afternoon.

Yesterday I took my camera to dialysis to create a photostory about a treatment. I took a lot of great pictures, but my battery ran out close to the end of my treatment. I might take the camera back on Monday to finish up, or I might just use what I have. I plan to make a story or a one page per picture sort of thing that explains each part of a treatment... I think it might be useful to new dialysis patients.

I think I'm crazy...

I can't finish a single task without panic.

I have loads of things to do, lists of lists to make, but I feel stuck.

Everything I try to do paralyzes me. Anxiety overwhelms me. I feel like I can't breathe.

June 11

June 11

June 11

June 11


Today has been interesting - I spent half the day taking pictures of flowers (new hobby = photography) and the other half the day puking my guts out. I don’t know if its nerves (I'm almost constantly on the verge of a panic attack... major surgery coming up!!!) or if I just got too hot outside and ended up with a killer headache (plus the puking).

One Month...

May 11th - Exactly ONE MONTH until my transplant.  I haven't the words to describe how I feel - happy, excited, anxious, scared, hopeful and worried to name a few.

Here's what today looked like outside from the fires in southern Georgia...

Florida Smoke and Mirrors - 2 of 5

Florida Smoke and Mirrors - 3 of 5

...the air was horrible, and lucky me, I sit by one of the only two windows in our dialysis unit.  It smelled like bad cigarette smoke or maybe a really crowded bar during my whole treatment.  When I went outside it was God awful worse.  The irony?  Seeing people standing outside smoking cigarettes...

I only wish I could be healthy enough to choose my method of killing myself... When I get this new kidney I'm not ruining it for NOTHING!

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