Apparently Wal-Mart is the place to pick up on girls, or at least that's what this creepy guy who was following me around today thought.

I want to create a new buttonhole (blunt needle) access point on my fistula. I want one higher up because my arterial buttonhole is getting too big. That, and its never worked well enough for a blunt needle, we still have to use sharps (this is due to a lot of scarring from when I first used only sharps). My venous buttonhole is perfect and the blunts are amazing (completely 100% no pain) so I don't want to mess with it. But this creates a small problem. My fistula is so s-shaped (curvy) that there is only one other place to put a second buttonhole - up high almost into my armpit. Its a (relatively) comfortable position for me, but the needles will be both pointing the same direction, instead of the arterial pointing down and the venous pointing up.

So anyway, I want/need to create a new buttonhole so today we put in a regular needle (sharp) up high and did a "recirculation study". With both needles pointing the same direction (up and up) I need to make sure I'll still get adequate dialysis before I actually establish the buttonhole. We will see how the labs look on Friday before continuing.

But now my arm hurts. It feels assaulted because its been so long since I had a regular needle stick. Its red and bruised and angry-looking. I know this will be temporary, but damn does it hurt. Kinda reminds me of the "old days" when we rotated the needle sites.

OK, Jeanne, this entry is for you, since I told you I'd write and yes, I'm due for an update anyway :)

I often wonder what happened to all of the nurses with whom I was so close to at the nephrology office I used to go to when I lived in California. My doctor back then was Dr. Leena Mehandru in Pleasanton, CA. She was awesome! I think I was her youngest patient for several years (I was 17 - 21 at the time) and she always made me feel very "looked after" in a special sort of way. For a long time I kept up with everyone from her office, but I haven't heard from them in a really long time. I should've gone to visit when I was in Northern CA this summer on vacation. They were all such a huge part of my life back then, similar to the doctors, nurses and yes, Jeanne, from my doctor's office now. I think this is because I'm such a pain in the rear (and I have a big mouth) and I just sort of make myself part of their lives. I demand to be given attention :P

In general, I don't trust doctors unless they've earned my trust. This usually takes several years... this is also why I was sad to see Dr. Rehki leave recently - he had my trust after a short time and was my primary nephrologist for the last four years. When he left I started seeing Dr. Dewberry (the other doctor at my nephrology office) on a regular basis. I like Dr. Dewberry, too, and I'm glad he puts up with me. I think of Dr. D as a very forward-thinking doctor who values my input. He reminds me a little of my father-in-law (this is a good thing, I like my FIL) and I respect his expertise very much.

And now we have a new doctor at the office, whom I met this last week. He actually impressed me immediately for so many reasons. Mainly because he took me seriously from the beginning and he didn't ask me dumb questions. I don't think he'll need much "training" when it comes to how to handle me... he seems to have his head on straight. I also liked the fact that he showed me pictures of the new dialysis unit he just finished building before he moved here. Very impressive - he had my attention at "every station has a flat-screen TV and a computer". He is also getting ready to implement an at-home hemodialysis program here in my area. Very exciting stuff since I've been interested in finding out more about home hemo.

If ONE MORE PERSON asks me to explain myself as to why I'm not at this time trying for a kidney transplant, I'm going to SCREAM. I fully realize many (most?) people pursue a transplant as soon as possible... but you know what? I'm doing fine right now on dialysis. Why can't people understand that dialysis and transplantation are choices and that one is not necessarily better than the other - it really depends on the individual. I am OK with my kidney failure. I am OK with dialysis. Why can't everyone else be OK with it?

I can understand my own doctor pressing me to consider a transplant (that's his job, right?) but why must everyone else constantly make me explain my decision? The number one question I always get (from strangers, other patients, other doctors, friends, family, basically EVERYONE) is "are you getting a transplant?" or "why haven't you gotten a transplant?" I don't mind explaining my decision for the purpose of educating someone but I'm getting tired of the question to begin with. If anything, being asked constantly about transplantation almost makes me refuse to allow myself to consider it. It might sound weird, but in a way every time I'm asked, I feel like I'm out to prove that I don't need a transplant because I can live my life just fine the way it is thankyouverymuch.

--- EDIT --- I should point out that after re-reading this post, what I wrote here stuck out to me:

"If anything, being asked constantly about transplantation almost makes me refuse to allow myself to consider it. It might sound weird, but in a way every time I'm asked, I feel like I'm out to prove that I don't need a transplant..."

Humm, that is a very telling statement. I should think about that attitude a bit and determine if it does more harm than good.

The basic emergency kit for kidney disease patients and The 3-day emergency diet