Sure enough, my son's school was closed again today due to the power still not being on. They called and said to try calling tonight to see if the answering machine picks up... if it does that means tomorrow they will be back because there is power. It was a good thing I thought ahead and didn't plan on going to a treatment today as I wouldn't have had anyone to watch him. We did get out for awhile today and I took him to my unit for a visit. I've been doing this every once-in-awhile since I started dialysis. He's just barely 4 years old so he can't understand what its all about, but he is interested in the machines, the noises, the buttons and the blinking lights. He likes the people, too, and we go around and say 'hello' to everyone receiving treatments. On this visit I think he started putting "two and two together" - He was pointing out that patients were "attached" at the arm to the machine and then he would look at my fistula, pat it a little, and say to the patient "you need to get your arm fixed by the doctor like mommy does," referring to what I call my treatments ("going to the doctor"). He also kept telling everyone that he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up which amused the staff. One of the team members let him take an interest in her breaking down the machine for cleaning and talked to him about the wands and the acid/vinegar solutions. She even let him help pull a wand out and stick it in the bottle (while she was closely supervising.) He liked that a lot. It was a good visit. I'm in no way ready for him to see me hooked up and on treatment, but at least this way he is starting to learn about my 'life' a little more. He's such a great kid :)

Yesterday 1/3 of the whole county was without power, including most of the schools. All the schools were closed - whenever the public schools close, so does my son's (private) preschool. I woke up at 5:30 to get ready for my treatment and had the mind to call my unit to see if they had power. They only had partial power and the water system wasn't working. Since I felt good and I didn't have much extra fluid I asked if I could have a treatment today, instead. The charge nurse agreed and yay! I got to sleep in! My son's school called mid-morning to say that they, too, were without power and would be closed as long as the public schools were. Darn. Last night they announced on the news that the public schools would be closed again today due to the power still not being on. Ken volunteered to stay home for a few hours while I went to treatment... I couldn't go a fifth day without one. He didn't go to work until almost noon :( After he left I tried to convince my son to talk a nap for a little while... To his credit he did lay on his bed for about an hour, but I know he didn't go to sleep. What a booger. The rest of today I've been trying to entertain him while trying to keep myself from falling over due to exhaustion. I don't do well on a 'Monday' when I have to function after a treatment. Especially after an extra-long weekend. In advance of guessing knowing the schools would also be closed tomorrow, and maybe through the rest of this week, I told our charge nurse I wasn't coming back for a treatment until Friday. I did ask if she wanted me to come in on Thurs/Sat instead of Wed/Fri and there was no room on the schedule for me. She made sure that this was really what I wanted to do (yes) and asked if she should call my doctor to see if it was OK. I told her she could call if she wanted to, but that wasn't going to change my mind (and my doctor knows that LOL). I didn't want to do a back-to-back treatment (today/tomorrow) and another Friday complicated by my childcare issue.

"Dance of the Hurricanes - Act IV, Scene I" Florida FRANCES: See ya later, guys, have fun in Florida... And welcome to the club! IVAN: Yeah, what a blast... I think I'll go back again. JEANNE: Hey, can someone help me? I seem to be lost, all I see is ocean... IVAN: Dude, you're going the wrong way, turn around! JEANNE: I am? Oh wait, I see it now. OK, here I come! IVAN: You almost missed the party, next time get a map, dumbass. JEANNE: Yeeeehawwww! (meanwhile, somewhere in the Atlantic) KARL: Where'd everybody go? LISA: I think we're supposed to take a left around here somewhere. KARL: Yeah, left, that sounds right. LISA: I hope they've saved some mobile homes for us, I'm hungry.

• Krissi's blog

Here we are again, another week, another hurricane. That almost seems like déjà vu... have I said that before? The Pinellas County Schools haven't decided or not if they will be closed tomorrow. If the schools close, I'm in a bit of a pickle. Ken is leaving (read: supposed to be leaving) tomorrow morning at 6 AM for a week-long work trip. If the schools close but his flight hasn't been canceled, I have no one to watch Alek while I go to dialysis. If that happens, I'll probably just go to dialysis on Tues instead. I can manage an extra day just fine... but its nerve wracking just to think about it. At least with this hurricane my unit didn't get all worked up and start rescheduling people for different days. I think that is more stressful than anything else. With this storm I didn't even turn on the news and hear much about it until last night.

Let me elaborate on my previous entry where I compared organ donation to adoption. I think the only person who really got was I was saying was who said she thinks I have a form of "survivor's guilt". Yes, exactly. The biggest point almost all of you brought up: Organ donation is a decision made by the deceased person, or their family, and should be viewed as a gift in that a part of themselves (or their loved one) will continue living and has been used to 'save someone's life'. I don't want someone to 'save my life' - If somone chose to do this for my benefit, it still would mean a PERSON DIED who was loved by a family. That family will suffer because of the loss of their loved one, regardless of whether or not part of the deceased person lives on in me. Likewise, if I were to have a living donor transplant, the person donating would be subjected to physical pain and suffering for MY BENEFIT. Who wants someone else to suffer for them?

Some of you might find this strange, I don't expect everyone to understand. I figured out today why I'm so unsure of getting a kidney transplant... after all this time, and all I know, it boiled down to something very simple - I'm surprised I didn't realize it before. Its amazing, really, when you think about how the human mind works... how we associate completely different things with each other to form emotional meanings which otherwise wouldn't exist. Like adoption, which as you know has profoundly impacted my life, organ donation requires someone to lose something before someone can gain something. I think I'm afraid of taking something away from someone knowing it probably caused them pain (emotional and/or physical) to give it to me. I got over some of these feelings with my adoption by choosing to adopt an orphan. How am I going to get over these feelings in regards to a kidney? I can't really see it... I have a horrible guilt complex. I think I need to work on it. XPosted

I'm not hungry... ever... for anything. I think I should probably be talking to my nutritionist about this...

I finally got in touch with the one person's # I have from my dialysis unit - Zach. He's our 'reuse tech' but he's my friend. I knew not to call him before noon, because, well... he's a bit grumpy before that hour. For whatever reason they are doing treatments tomorrow morning early, not today. I honestly don't know if I misunderstood what I was told yesterday, or if it changed after I left and someone forgot to let me know. I'm pretty certain I didn't misunderstand, because I kept talking about having to have two treatments in a row and about if I would've known they were doing Monday treatments I wouldn't have gone on Sunday. At least I know I can get a treatment tomorrow, I'm not as panicked, now.

Ok, now I'm pissed. I don't get this way often, I'll have you know. I drank a whole bunch of water yesterday to prepare for my second day in a row treatment this morning. I showed up at my unit and sat in the parking lot for an hour waiting for someone to show up. Apparently dialysis was canceled (re-cancelled, rather) for today (or something?) and they forgot to let me know. No one is answering at the office # or the 800 'emergency' #, either. Now I have *NO IDEA* when I'm getting another treatment and I already have almost 2 kilos of fluid on...

Another week, another hurricane. This one looks like its going to go way west of us (into the Gulf) without much of an effect on this area. My unit decided in advance to close for safety reasons. Not that I can't understand *why* they keep closing, I just don't understand how they choose the days to be closed. First they said that they were going to be closed Monday and Tuesday. Because of that, they scheduled everyone for treatments today even though normally they aren't even open on Sundays. Then, half-way through my treatment this morning they started telling everyone that the plans had changed - that the unit would be OPEN on Monday and CLOSED on Tuesday and Wednesday. Yay. I have to go for another treatment tomorrow, which will be my second back-to-back (two days in a row) treatment in two weeks. This is an issue for me, because 1) my son's school is closed tomorrow and 2) my arm has a hard time recovering from that many needle sticks, that many days in a row. Luckily Ken is home this week (i.e. not on a work trip) so he can go in later to work after watching Alek for me while I'm at my treatment. As for my arm, I guess I still have some Darvocet left I could take... Did I mention all this treatment-changing stuff really stresses me out for some reason?