My biggest task for this week was to finish the AAKP Tampa Chapter's newsletter that I volunteered to write. I finally finished it today, even though it was due Monday - DOH! My doctor reduced my treatment time to 2.5 hours... YIPPEEE! My Kt/v is still good (1.79) and my URR is fine, too (80%). I like being in the chair less time. After last month's labs, it was apparent that I would have to start taking Phosphorous binders. My PHOS in September was 8.9 - high for the first time, ever!! This month's labs were much better. I'm so proud of myself because my PHOS went down to 4.4, which is considered normal. I guess it just goes to show that religiously taking binders actually does do some good. Yay me! I also started getting Carnitor during treatments. This will hopefully help eliminate the roller-coaster effect with the EPO shots. Carnitor is the WORST tasting of all the injections I get - Its so bad that I think it smells/tastes like cat pee! YUCK!

One year ago today I had my Life Line created in my right arm. It seems like so much has happened since then, yet it still feels like yesterday. In January I will celebrate my first anniversary of dialysis... what a thing to celebrate, huh? People ask me all the time how I feel about dialysis. I've even been asked if I 'like' it. I always answer the same way - it's much better than the alternative.

Here are some pictures of my fistula, behind a cut for those of you who get grossed out easily :)

Here's a picture of my fistula, as best I could take it using my left hand to hold the camera out in front of me. Its hard to see in this picture just how large the vein is in the crook of my elbow, but it can be viewed in better detail in the next picture. This is more of a close-up of my fistula vein. Notice how crooked it is - most people's fistulas are much straighter but mine is like a little snake all the way up my arm. Even though you can't tell, the vein is quite large all the way up into my shoulder and across my chest. Aside from the part where it sticks out in the crook of my elbow the rest of it (as far as what you can see of the size of the vein itself) is deeper within my arm. Note my track marks, even after only 10 months of dialysis :) Also note that toward the top of my fistula it looks bruised - this is not this way all the time, it just so happens that on Friday I had that part of my fistula aneurysm after my treatment (i.e. the vein is weak there and there was a small rupture under the skin.) FYI - People who have dialysis fistulas call them their "life lines" because without them, we couldn't live...

During my last doctor visit (about 6 weeks ago,) I mentioned to my doc that I'd been having some joint pain and other symptoms. He drew blood to check for Sed Rate, Rheumatoid Factor and ANA (Antinuclear Antibody). The Sed Rate & Rheumatoid were both negative but the ANA was positive for the first time in my 13 years of kidney disease. Of course I immediately began to freak out. I know that a positive ANA can be an indicator of many things, but most likely another undiagnosed immune disease (my kidney disease is already a disorder of this type.) I've been saying for a long time that I think there is something else wrong with me... I just have too many symptoms for there not to be. Either that, or I'm a hypochondriac, hehehe. Anyhow - I have tested negative on all previous ANA tests (I have one about every 18 months to 2 years) so I think this is a good indicator that something is going on. I did a little research on positive ANA tests and came across something very interesting - A positive ANA test can indicate insulin resistance even if the blood glucose level is normal. Insulin resistance can indicate Type II diabetes. Consequently, my father is a Type II Diabetic with insulin resistance... Considering that my father is diabetic, his sister was, his mother, his grandparents and who knows how many other members of our family were... YIKES. I think I'm starting to figure out where I got my health unhealthy genes from. As my dad pointed out in our conversation last night, just because I might end up being insulin resistant doesn't necessarily mean I'll get diabetes. I have another doctor appointment tomorrow (I think?) to see where we go from here...

I called my dad last night and had a long talk with him about lots of stuff in regards to health... my health, his health and even some family history of health problems.� I learned a lot, my dad's a pretty wise guy :)� I told him how I'd been feeling not too good lately, even worse than a year ago right before my kidneys took the final dump.� He pointed out one big thing that, while obvious, needs to be pointed out to me more often: I simply don't eat�correctly�or�at the right times, on a consistent basis.� Sure, I follow the renal diet pretty good, but the biggest problem is�I�just don't eat at all.� As much as I hate admitting it, even though I know it, he's absolutely right.

I decided to try harder with food, and for someone like me, who thinks food is... difficult... at least it was a step in the right direction.��After I got off the phone with him I had a small yogurt with a scoop of protein powder mixed in (13 grams of protein, total... and yes, I took binders) which was the first thing I'd eaten all day.� I also ate a small Tombstone Deep-Dish Pizza, and while that wasn't the best choice, at least it was something.

This morning I got up and took my son to school before coming home determined to eat breakfast.� First I ate a piece of Pepperidge Farms white bread toast with cream cheese (yes, more binders) and then I set out to figure out how to make some poached eggs in the microwave.� Keeping in mind that I don't know how to cook, I had to look the instructions up on the internet (what a geek am I?)� The instructions called for a small,�deep microwave dish, some water, two eggs and saran wrap over the top.� I thought the amount of water it said to use was a bit excessive and I questioned the saran wrap being "tightly wrapped over the bowl".� Suffice to say, the eggs exploded all over my microwave within a minute.� It then took me 15 minutes to clean out the microwave and start again.� On any other day I would've just given up for lack of motivation (food isn't a big motivator for me) but today I was GOING TO EAT EGGS.� I revised the 'recipe' and successfully made two semi-soft yoked poached eggs.� And now, I have successfully eaten my toast and eggs and feel quite proud of myself!� Not only did I eat food, but I ate good protein... Yay me!

So, yeah, I'm going to try harder to eat better and especially more often.� My dad's biggest point was that if I'm not eating/sleeping/living on a regular schedule then my medicine (which I do take faithfully at the same times every day) will not work as effectively and I will most likely feel more symptomatic.

I just wrote this really long entry and then proceeded to close my browser window before I saved it. So, I'll just sum things up: Today I feel icky. My treatment couldn't have gotten over sooner, and by the time it was done I almost had a migraine. I canceled my lunch plans, went home, swallowed some aspirin and slept, restlessly. Conveniently Ken left on a week-long trip this morning and I was out of groceries. So, I had to get up (as much as I wished I could stay in bed) to go pick up Alek from Pre-K and drag myself to the grocery store. Today would've been a good day to use my disabled parking permits, but, there were no handicapped parking spots left. I must've looked a bit drunk (judging by the strange looks) staggering around feeling more like passing out than wanting to shop. I got what I needed and Alek helped me unload the trunk when we got home. Oh, and one more thing... I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'd rather have people ASK me about why my arm looks all screwed up instead of just stare at me with disapproving looks. I'm not a drug addict or a cripple and if they'd ask, at least they'd have a little bit of education about kidney disease! ARGH!