I really hate disappearing ankles. Every morning I have ankles and by 5 PM they are gone. What is it with this retaining water thing? I'm really beginning to feel like a water-retaining sea cow.

I didn't mean for it to sound like I WANT to start dialysis sooner than later... I just meant that it's inevitable at this point and after 12 years of waiting I just want to "get it on". I just want to live my life and feel better. Hanging in limbo like this is making me nuts. I hate not being able to fully plan my days never knowing if I'll feel alive or half-dead sick. Its a real drag.

I went to my nephrologist yesterday for the first time since I was there 6 weeks ago when I was sick. I saw my doctor this time, instead of the doctor I saw last time (the older doctor who owns the practice and was filling in for my doctor while he was on vacation). When I saw the other doctor last time he told me that based on my labs and the way I've been feeling I'd need dialysis by the end of the year. My creatine had been going back and forth from 4.3 to 4.5 & 4.8 and then back down to 4.3 again (for those of you who don't know, this is the major marker of kidney function - the higher the number the lower the kideny function...) His conclusion was shocking, but made sense to me. My visit yesterday was a different story. My doctor said he preferred to be optimistic and considering that my current "trend" in kidney function loss was from 3.2 to 4.3 in just under a year, he felt like I had another year before I would get to 5.3 and absolutely need dialysis. I agreed with him that it was good to be optimistic, but, being unrealistic wasn't what I wanted, either. I told him that at this point I just want to get things started so I can live my life - basically, I disagreed with him. He said that when my creatine was 5.0 (which he insisted he didn't think it would be that high for awhile longer) THEN he would want me to start preparing for dialysis. I said ok lets see what happens and then he took my labs. I got the fax this AM - my creatine is 5.0 I think my doctor is going to have to rethink his opinion.... Good thing I already have another appointment scheduled in 3 weeks.