The last week of holidays/vacation, regarding how I felt, went pretty well.

About Ken's Dad - 'The Doctor is In'...":

I got a few well-intended lectures from Ken's dad about the importance of eating more often than I do and I therefore managed to eat more than normal without adverse effects. Everything he said about eating made sense - he said I should eat more often, but smaller amounts, so that my body can more efficiently use the energy I feed it without overloading it with toxins at the same time. He went to medical school - I should learn to listen to him more often... not to mention that he is usually always right, anyway!! We also had some interesting discussions about medications & dialysis accesses. He works as a chemist for W.L. Gore inventing and improving medical devices and products. He is currently working on at least one Gore-Tex Vascular Graft used for dialysis patients. I don't remember specifically which one he's working on, but I found it very interesting that his work indirectly impacts my life. How cool is that? Ken's dad is my hero - no, really. I admire him so much and love talking about just about every subject. I certainly know where Ken gets his "I'm-usually-always-right" attitude (ok, well, he IS usually always right!!!)

I had a few days of feeling downright exhausted, but, considering how stressful the holidays were, I think I made out OK. I'm back to work this week and certainly missing my extra hours of sleeping-in and afternoon naps. I'm tired today and a little bit queasy... hoping my lunch will agree with me. :)

I ate a big dinner last night and it didn't give me any problems! It's a small thing to celebrate but it tasted SOOO GOOD and I don't feel weak and icky today :)

Yesterday we had our annual holiday office party. Everyone brought pot-luck and my boss (whos house we used for the party) provided Honey Baked Ham and appetizers. My co-worker Rachael and I offered to go over early and work to get everything ready before everyone else arrived. I was already pretty tired by the time we actually sat down to eat... ... and I am still regretting eating. I ate a huge meal and instantly wished I hadn't. I don't quite understand why my body reacts to food this way - I get a headache & stomach ache and generally feel like I have the flu. Just for eating! I'm having a couple of bad weeks... I'm probably overdoing things at home (since I just moved and have been unpacking and cleaning like a mad woman) which isn't helping. I keep researching on the internet about the symptoms of kidney failure. I guess I know by now what is normal and what isn't. I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not the only one who's ever gone through this or ever felt this way. Either way, it just sucks. And, it's hard to keep going most days...

... have all been entered from my journal...

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Food is no longer my friend - I either eat and nothing happens or I eat and my stomach hurts, soon followed by traumatic pooping (or as dinglehopper would say, "pissing out your ass".) Its completely unpredictable. At least I don't throw up very often... that would be awful. When I can't or don't eat for even just a day, my weight drops quickly. I don't even feel the least bit hungry nor do I want to eat any type of food (even favorite foods.) My bones & muscles start to feel like I can't even support my own weight... even standing up is difficult. I get lightheaded & feel chronically weak. Its hard to explain the exact feeling, but if I had to describe it in one word it would be "pathetic." After not eating very much since Wednesday of last week, Ken finally took me to Olive Garden (my favorite restaurant) on Saturday night. I was able to eat a fairly good-sized meal that mostly agreed with me. And, it mostly stayed inside my body... at least long enough for us to get home. So, by Sunday morning I was better, but still tired.

Had another doctor's appointment yesterday. My creatinine is back up to 6.8, just under what it was at its highest 3 months ago. So it seems this lab result is much more accurate than the last 2, which showed the creatinine falling pretty dramatically. The doc says it did that because of the drugs he was switching me on and off of... He was also worried about the fact that I'd lost 3 pounds (I mean, seriously 3 WHOLE POUNDS BIG WHOOP) since last month. I told him I just thought it was because I've been moving and doing alot more physical exercise than my usual lazy ass does. He made a big deal out of it though, so next time I guess I'll have to remember to eat a huge 5 course dinner right before going to see him and being weighed... humph. So, back to the dialysis topic. He said it should be mid to end of January and February at the latest. I'm hoping for late February. I also found out that it is required, by law, for everyone starting dialysis to be omitted to the hospital for 2-3 days when first beginning treatment. I didn't know about that so I was really surprised. What a bummer, I hate being in the hospital.

I've been sick for last (nearly) 3 weeks. Ken and Alek managed to pick it up from me starting on Friday. Now just about the time I thought I was getting over it, it seems to be coming back, a bit worse this time. I started coughing again last night. Every time I get a lingering sickness, I start breaking out in those awful boils/skin bumps that I've had off and on for nearly 2 years now. It happens every time I stay sick for longer than a week. I know that it has something to do with my kidneys but I don't know how to prevent it from happening. I think its my body trying to cleanse the toxins as well as the germs/sickness out of my body & it gets overloaded because my kidneys can't handle it. They HURT LIKE HELL and get swollen up pretty badly. I get them all over my body (arms, legs, stomach, back, butt... I've even had one on my shoulder and on the top of my knee, once.) Usually I'll only get 2 - 5 at at time... this time I've only had 2. The worst one was right on my very upper leg/lower butt so it's been painful to sit for the last week. The only thing my nephrologist ever does for the boils is pump me full of IV or oral anti-biotics to kill the infection & bacteria. I hate those drugs, even though they take care of the problem. Thinking how my body is slowly getting resistant to antibiotics over time just kills me. I take them so often, it seems. There are just some days, that no matter how positive I am, I just hate my body for not working. The side effects are downright annoying and they cramp my lifestyle.

I went to my neph appointment on Monday and a guy, about my age or maybe a little younger, was walking out of the dialysis unit. He looked me up and down and I could tell he was 'checking me out'. After I walked upstairs to the 2nd floor to my doc's office he came in about 2 minutes behind me. He spoke to the nurse about something lame - sounded as if he wanted an excuse to follow me, actually - and then eyed me good again on his way out. It makes me feel weird when guys do that to me, any time, but to know I might be sitting next to this guy in dialysis sometime... oooh creepy. I'm into geeks (like computer geeks) but not geeks like this guy. He just looked desperately horny with that stupid look of "hey baby how you doin" on his face. *giggle* I hope he doesn't try to hit on me sometime.

... Ok, so the kidney weirdness continues. My creatine went from 4.0 to 7.0 in just under 5 months. This put everyone into a panic/rush to get me ready for dialysis before the end of this year and before my creatine reached 8.0. Then, a month ago my creatine dropped to 6.2 and now as of yesterday it's now 5.2! What the heck is going on here? Kidney disease does not REVERSE, its just not possible. At least not at this stage of the disease. 5.2 is still not good, but it's better than 7.0 and certainly better than 8.0 (which means automatic dialysis for me...) Maybe I'll be able to hang on to my kidney function for awhile longer.... I just hope this isn't false hope...