I feel GREAT today!

I went back to the dermatologist this morning for the results of the tests they did last week to determine what my skin problem was. I have MRSA - Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus aureus a.k.a. a Staph infection. No wonder its been going on so long and I couldn't make it go away. "Methicillin resistant" refers to the fact that this particular strain of staph is resistant to penicillin antibiotics and will require me to be on some pretty strong other medicines for a few weeks to get rid of it completely. I most likely got this infection for 2 reasons - first, because Alek had the same infection, in the form of an ear infection, around the end of April. Secondly, because I have a compromised immune system and am more prone to infections of all types. In April Alek's doctor determined that he most likely got it from some other child at his daycare. After 2 weeks of antibiotics he was fine. Right around the same time (beginning of May) was when I first started having problems with my skin. Initially I think the "outbreak" of boils/hives/bumps were my normal high-stress bumps that I often get when I'm under too much pressure. After that, they got infected with the staph and didn't go away. So now I know. Hey, families are supposed to share everything, right? Even germies :)

I give up. Completely. This whole process is beyond me. I've spent all day yesterday and today on the phone between the doctor, pharmacy and insurance company (including the 2 sub-contracted companies who handle the insurance's prescription drug benefits) trying to figure out this Procrit/Epogen thing. The Procrit is now covered. It's not supposed to be covered through the mail order pharmacy, but it magically is. *Poof* $9 for a 3 month supply. Who knows, maybe I'll end up getting the bill later. The doctor called in the Rx and it's being filled and mailed to me. Nine bucks. It's also covered at the pharmacy now. $9 for a one-month supply. The doctor also called in the Rx and I'm picking it up tonight. Nine bucks for one month. Bada bing bada boom, wham bam thank you mam. I've talked to: Tricare benefits coordinator Tricare claims (2 different #'s) Tricare pharmacy hotline Tricare CHCBP program coordinator Tricare regional office Medco Health (mail order pharmacy company) DMDC (retail pharmacy company) The doctor's office The pharmacy Each one of these people I've talked to at LEAST twice and gotten at LEAST two different answers from them each time (except for the dr's office- they're caught in the middle just like me) Some of them say it is covered. Some say its not. Some say pay up front, some say I only pay a co-pay. Some say I have no mail-order-pharmacy benefits. The mail order pharmacy begs to differ. The only one undisputed thing is that the AUTHORIZATION for me to get the Procrit went through without a hitch. The hard parts been who pays for what. Who cares. If someone says its covered, and the cash register rings up $9 then I'm taking it. I'm not asking any more questions because maybe someone will figure out they messed up and I should be paying $860. We'll see how long this lasts... but at least, as far as the Procrit goes, I'm good for about 4 months. Unless something changes tomorrow, which at this point is just about as possible as pigs not flying.

Today I'm back to work. I feel... better, I suppose. Sleeping all day yesterday seems to have helped my general over-all feeling. I feel much more in control of my emotions, at least for now. After I picked Alek up from daycare yesterday evening, I decided to take him to the park. I felt like such a slug for just laying around sleeping all day - figured I could let The Boy run around and burn off some energy and do something interesting with him for once. We had fun. I basically sat and watched him climb on everything and slide down all the slides. He had a blast. I took a ton of pictures, maybe I'll post them after while. It was nice to do something "normal" with him for once - he deserves to have all those fun kid things and not always a sick mommy who won't take him places. It felt good to be out with him, watching him have fun at the park, even though I didn't feel my best. He's a great kid. He cried when we left because of course he wanted to stay for a couple more hours. I bought him a Happy Meal on the way home and he ate every bite and drank all the Orange drink. Now I've got to catch up on everything I didn't do yesterday. I'll probably write more later...

... Just called the doctor's office and they offered to prescribe the weaker dose of the Procrit/Epogen. The cost to me? $860 a vile. 1 vile = 2 injections or 2 weeks worth. Big whoop. I still don't have $860 so this solves nothing.

I've been a mess these last couple of days. Several times at work I've closed the door to my office and just cried my eyes out. I still feel physically rotton. I've had the hardest time trying to hold it together. So today I was in complete overwhelm with this new "situation", both emotionally and physically. I decided to just call in sick and spend the day at home trying to figure some things out. After all, what good am I at work if all I do is spend my time on the phone talking with the insurance company and the doctors' offices? I called and left a message saying I was taking a sick day, because I felt horrible and that I had some things I needed to handle. I got a call promptly at 9:30 from my boss. She chewed me out for awhile saying that I was inconveniencing her so much by not being there today. She had things for me to do and blah blah blah. Of course she again held over my head the fact that I have every other Friday off and "why couldn't you handle these things on your day off?" (right like I can pick the days I feel sick). Because SHE has a screwed up schedule that only puts HER in the office on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays she took personal offense to me "choosing a day when she was in the office to be out". Then she went off on this LONG spiel about how I should know by now (because God knows how many times SHE'S told me) I need to just stop going to medical doctors and go to an alternative doctor so he/she can fix me. When I said that it all boiled down to money (alternative doctors rarely take insurance) she said I should just "find some" so I could get better. She guilt tripped me to the point of tears. Why is this any of her fucking business? Why does she feel the need to make things HARDER on me when I already feel bad enough as it is? If I was made of money you'd better believe that I would try just about ANYTHING (including alternative medicine) to feel better and get better. Every day she has this "I told you so" attitude when she asks how I'm feeling and I say not so great. And why is it, that I work 40 hours a week just like everyone else, and am entitled to my paid sick days that *I* am the only one who gets a phone call when I actually DO call in sick? For crying out loud. I've said before and I'll say again - I do a KICK ASS job at what I do. No one should be complaining if I call in sick for ONE day.

I found out last evening at 5 PM - just as I was about to leave work - that these injections of Procrit/Epogen I'm suppose to get will cost me $1600 for one vile of medicine. There is no way I have that sort of cash. It doesn't matter if one vile is for one injection or 10 - I don't have that money. The insurance says it will reimburse me some of the cost (although they were quite illusive to exactly how much) but I have to pay for it up front and then send in claim forms.

I think all the various drugs I'm currently on are really screwing with my head. I've felt close to tears all day, yet there's no real reason. I'm taking all my usual meds (Lisinopril, Zocor, Calcium Carbonate & Diatx) minus my birth control pill (note to self - need to go to the pharmacy and pick up another refill) plus the Prednizone and Cephalexin (antibiotic) and Darvocet for the pain (but only at night now). I know my anemia *must* be effecting me because I FEEL tired and lethargic. I've also been running a low grade temp (around 100 to 101) for a couple of days so I feel hot cold hot cold hot cold. I've got two completely separate problems (or so it seems, maybe they'll end up being related, but so far the verdict is still out) - the skin thing and the ongoing, ever present failing kidneys and associated problem of anemia as a result. I feel like my body is out of control. Where's my "get-out-of-jail-free" card?

... not as much pain. At least I was able to semi-function. Even went out for lunch with Ken and Alek. Took a nap for 3 hours... Alek slept for part of that and played quietly for the rest of the time. I slept pretty solidly and got some good R&R outta it. Cleaned the house (much needed after 3 days not feeling good) and ended up deciding to go to Publix at 7 PM. I usually don't go grocery shopping so late, but I was really low on everything - started to make Alek a PB&J for his lunch tomorrow and discovered the bread was a nice fuzzy greenish color. Didn't really have much else around in terms of toddler school-lunch so we went shopping. I don't feel 100% but I do feel much better. Tomorrow I will start the Prednizone and hopefully the bumps will go away. I'm looking forward to finding out what it all means... Ta ta for now :)

.... in fact, I might feel worse. I can't tell anymore. The Darvocet is really screwing with me... I can't tell what feels bad from the pain and what feels bad from the drugs. I haven't taken any in about 9 hours, but I still feel strung out. Haven't started taking the Prednizone yet, the doc wanted me to wait until Monday to see if the antibiotic alone would do the trick. So far nothings changed. I decided we're not going out tonight so I called and left a message for the babysitter. Hope she got it. These are the days when I wish I could have a babysitter 24/7 so my poor little boy wouldn't be bored out of his mind. I feel so bad for him. I'm a bad mommy. All I can do is change him and feed him and that's about it. He plays with his toys and drives me crazy the rest of the time. Ken was here until just a little bit ago, but he had to go home. Of course Alek is having one of those "lets go crazy and do everything we're not supposed to" days - screaming at the top of his lungs, taking all his clothes off for no reason, unplugging everything he can get his little hands on, throwing his food when I feed him, banging his toys on the wall to the point where I think the neighbors will complain... I just want to sit here and cry. And then sleep. My head is swimming, I'm thirsty, I hurt all over. I'm a mess, huh?