It continues to surprise and humble me that MyKidney.com has continued to do well long after my departure from the site and
sparse non-existent presence for nearly two years. To this day, I regularly receive email from kidney patients and their friends and families asking for advice and, more often than not, also expressing their concern for me and inquiring about my well-being. Thank you so much for all of your emails, Tweets, and Facebook contacts - they have not gone unnoticed.
On that note...
My transplant was three years ago on June 11th and I've traveled many miles since (literally and figuratively) in my personal quest for understanding life. I've come to some pretty bold and bewildering realizations... most of these things I always knew and could openly express aloud to others, but could never truly accept within my own head. Emotions I didn't even know I had (anger) and thoughts I'd never think I'd think ("will I really choose dialysis the next time 'round or will I take the easy way out?") have come and gone, some lingering, but all relevant.
Here's what I've come to realize (and finally admit to myself): No matter how far away I run or how much time passes I will never outrun kidney disease, its side-effects, and pitfalls. No amount of "mental break" or "emotional withdrawal" from reality will make this one very simple truth less factual. And you know what? That really pisses me off. While anger is a very new emotion for me to feel (and I've only just begun understanding it) I don't feel differently about one thing - this reality is what it is and I am who I am and I still like me.
I took a very long break from blogging (more than 18 months, if you count all of my different sites) because writing things down forced me to face myself and my reality until my reality became overwhelming and I shut down. But recently I've been feeling twinges of need to write again - with passion and purpose (which, admittedly may still sound the same when read aloud) so that I feel creative and alive.
Thank you for hanging in there with me and seeing me through. I'll be seeing more of you soon...