'It' doesn't simply go away (but I wish it would)

I hesitate often to speak/blog about how I'm doing, because it seems that just when I say all things are good, I take a little step backwards.

"It" comes back - "It" is the fact that I have a life-long chronic illness that manifests itself in different ways, depending on how "It" feels. No, "It" doesn't simply go away, no matter how much I wish it would.

I'm still dealing with ongoing chronic pain/fatigue - and "It" is something no one can figure out.

All I (and my doctors) know is that I've tried just about every prescription and non-prescription sleep drug/therapy/aromatherapy/knock-my-self-unconscious method and the bottom line is still the bottom line:

no sleep (or poor sleep) equals pain,
equals less sleep,
equals a total body meltdown
equals "It" consuming more of my life than I'd like it to.

This week has been particularly bad - I've had a pain/fatigue 'flare' since last Friday. All week I've just kept wishing "It" would go away... well, "It" doesn't.

I'm seeing a new Rheumatologist. She's all about the "let's-test-you-for-everything-we-can-think-of" and less about "let's-throw-more-drugs-in-your-general-direction-hoping-'It'-will-go-away". I'm starting to run out of options (and tests to have administered) other than to simply just treat the side effects of pain, pain and more pain.

BTW I still want to refuse the continued suggested diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. Why? Because I don't want to be labeled with a "last resort" diagnosis... even if the label really does apply to me. If "It" turns out to be Fibro, then fine. But in the meantime...

Wouldn't it be easier if all this stuff was an exact science?

Wouldn't it be easier if "It" could all go away? I'll take one order of 'live my life like a normal person', please.